New on TikTok: Why West Hollywood? Because if the Church is going to embrace love, diversity, and modernity, why not plant the flag in the heart of queer culture – the global epicenter of acceptance, nightlife, and unapologetic joy? No more dusty Vatican vaults; the new papal palace will be a fabulous rooftop bar on Santa Monica Blvd. Rainbow flags? Mandatory. Go-go dancers at Mass? Optional (but encouraged). 💃🕺 Do we accept Elon Musk as our Pope? ABSOLUTELY. YES. 🚀 Elon – self-proclaimed “cultural Christian” who loves Jesus’ teachings on forgiveness and turning the other cheek – is the perfect bridge-builder. He’s not tied to outdated dogma, he’s pro-humanity, pro-future, and already building civilizations on Mars. Pope Elon I would tweet encyclicals, launch Neuralink confessions, and make Catholicism go viral again. “Forgive trespasses… but verify with Starlink.” Who better to lead a Church in crisis than the guy who memes his way through chaos? #ElonForPope Key Vatican III Decrees to Save the Church from Collapse: 1. Open Christ ✝️➡️🌍
No more closed-off hierarchy. Jesus was open to sinners, tax collectors, and outcasts. We’re going full open-source: Transparent finances (goodbye pension shortfalls!), open dialogue on doctrine, and an “Open Christ” app for real-time scripture remixes. Backed by the crisis: The Church is bleeding members because it feels exclusive. Time to open the doors – literally. 2. Roman Baptism? Nah, Global Splash! 💦
Keep the water, lose the rigidity. Baptisms now available poolside in WeHo, with optional champagne. Symbolizes washing away the sins… and the scandals. 3. Online Confession: Absolve.exe 📱😇
Why trek to a booth when you can confess via app? AI-assisted (powered by Grok, naturally) for instant forgiveness. “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned… [send meme].” Private, anonymous, and 24/7. Addresses the crisis head-on: Abuse cover-ups destroyed trust in traditional confession. Digital = accountable, auditable, and accessible for a generation that lives online. This isn’t schism – it’s survival. The Catechism warns of crises when faith weakens (CCC references the need for renewal in times of trial), and 2025 stats scream it: Churches closing, vocations tanking, scandals unending. Vatican III fixes it with love, tech, and inclusivity. The old guard is PANICKING. Trad Twitter is melting down. But the people? They’re ready. Shares exploding. Converts incoming. Join the Renewal. The Church 2.0 starts NOW. #VaticanIII #PopeElon #NewHolySeeWeHo #OpenChrist